Time for the Annual St. Louis Bashing
by Chris Thorman on Aug 28, 2008 8:05 AM CDT
in 2008 Preseason
38 comments
I knew Axl would come through for us.
The NFL's Missouri Governor's Cup is a chance to appreciate local sports and poke some fun at our East side neighbors.
And poke we will.
I think the fact that I went to school in St. Louis has only increased my distaste for the Gateway to the West. And the fact that there it isn't exactly a hot bed of interesting culture doesn't help either.
Now, Kansas City is far from a New York but we can at least claim to have a signature food - BBQ. St. Louis has a cracker they call pizza and they try to claim some Italian food superiority, when we all know it's just pasta. Give me a break. You have one neighborhood of Italians and that's it STL.
Gateway to the West is an appropriate nickname because that's exactly what STL is used for - a pass through and no more. Heck, you can't even get football fans excited enough from week to week to prevent a blackout, which is the ultimate sign of a team's despair. Not only do the fans not go to the Rams games, we all already know they don't even cheer when they are there. The city already had one football team leave so they could really care less about this one.
Here is one of my favorite trash talking Rams posts - Rams Cover Up Real Injury Woes; Chlamydia Actually to Blame. I mean, how could you read that news article and not rush over here to make St. Louis jokes?
VanRam will be stopping by later today to give us the 'ole question exchange so look for more to come later. I'll include a quasi-preview of the game in the open thread post. The thread will be posted at 5 PM so be here or be square. I end with more random STL trash talking.
BBQ > Cracker pizza
Kansas City, KS > East St. Louis
Boulevard Beer > Budweiser Beer
Ward Parkway Mall circa 1995 > Any STL Mall (That's a sentimental one)
Numbering city streets > Not numbering city streets
Finally, get over the 1904 World's Fair, St. Louis. Seriously. It was 104 years ago and not even that cool.
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Only things...
St Louis has going for it are; Jack in the Box, Trader Joes, and White Castle.
As far as homegrown tallent goes:
Tom Watson > Douchebag Joe Buck
by HIV 2 Elway on Aug 28, 2008 8:29 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
gut bombs, aka sliders!
They’re good at 2:00a.m. when you’re drunk as a skunk and need some garbage to shove in your pie hole. But you’d better not have anything important to do the next day… your gas will peel the paint off the walls of the house next door.
I’ve seriously never smelled gas worse than next-day-beer+sliders gas.
It’s not the smell, it’s the burning of my eyes!!
by Ochophosphate on Aug 28, 2008 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
St. Louis is a weak place to see a game
I went once. Fans don’t really tailgate and show up in khakis and polos and what not.
by Joel Thorman on Aug 28, 2008 9:06 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
The list
A little hint, St. Louis.
1. Shrinking your burgers doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a pansy.
2. No one gives a shit about what fucking Catholic high school you went to. Go fuck yourself, De Smet.
3. Neat, you have an arch. why don’t you go ahead and crawl up to the top with a noose and then you’ll look interesting.
4. Don’t talk about your barbecue. Ever. If you had any decency you’d turn in your grills to federal authorities.
5. “Oh, we’re such classy fans! Look at us! We cheer for the other team at Busch!” Kiss my ass, you pansy. We’re Americans. We don’t cheer for the other guys, unless it’s celebrating the tears that fall from their mothers’ faces as we jump up and down on them. What are you. Swedish? America. Fuck yeah.
6. Oh, what happened? I thought you guys were awesome fans? What happened? You won the Super Bowl and you had all that Rams gear (after you threw out your Blues gear), and now it’s all gone? What’s the matter? Oh, you don’t care if they’re not winning? Oh, okay. Right. That would make you… a bunch of bandwaggoning, golf-clapping shitheads.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 10:43 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
some more things
7. It’s not “toasted” ravioli. It’s fried. Only you people would take pasta, batter it, throw it in a pan, and then call it “Toasted Ravioli.” Also, you didn’t invent shit. You battered it. That’ s it. Calm the fuck down, Bobby Flay.
8. Thanks for wasting the majority of Isaac Bruce’s career, shitheads.
9. Don’t call your art gallery an art gallery. Call it a shack with frames.
10. Yes, the zoo is nice. Which is awesome, because it’s nice to see fat fucking hippos inside the cages.
11. I will not meet you in St. Louis. I will meet you in a back alley with a shiv, though.
12. Building more shopping centers for your upper-middle class pasty white folks to take their pasty, upper-middle class white kids to buy iPods isn’t growth. It’s gentrification. Embrace your evil.
13. I’m going to say this real slow so you can understand. You are neither as big, cool, or important as Chicago. Neither as KC, but we don’t act as such. You don’t have a “rivalry” with them. They pit you. You might as well be Branson to them.
14. Wow, Nelly! Good job! That halftime show with Aerosmith and Britney Spears a few years ago must have been a proud moment for you.
15. Your airport may be the biggest hassle this side of my ninth grade conservative Born-Again girlfriend’s bra. And at least at the end of that debacle I wasn’t jammed next to a hippo downing Krispy Kreme.
16. Your stadium might as well be a wind tunnel. The air conditioning is louder than you people. Granted, it’s hard to stay focused with so many injury timeouts after your turf eats its next MCL, but try and make an effort.
17. Why exactly do I have to pay a bazillion dollars to park next to the homeless guy’s piss puddle?
18. Bud Light is very popular. Too bad you couldn’t manage to keep it out of the hands of the Europeans. One more reason you might as well make “Pan au Chocolat” your chief export.
19. Why are you sending your kids to Mizzou when all they talk about is moving back to St. Louis? Are you aware there’s more to the world out there? Or do you like living in a fish bowl?
20. You created the new millenium Patriots. Way to go, asshats.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 11:10 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Response
#7, true. But, it’s still a St. Louis thing.
#8, he won more Super Bowls in STL than he would have in KC.
#9/#10, uh, they’re free. It’s a lot easier to make things slightly nicer (if at all) if you have to pay to get in and don’t rely on contributions. Unfortunately, the KC Zoo hasn’t embraced making it any better. Now, as for the Nelson…love it.
#11, wow resorting to violence?
#12, KC is no better on racism/discrimination/etc. Go live in ATL if you want that.
#13, the pot is calling the kettle black.
OK, I’ve done enough.
by stlfan on Aug 28, 2008 11:45 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
You're Killing me Matt
freakin’ hilarious
What are you. Swedish? America. Fuck yeah.
“comin’ again to save the motherfucking day, yeah” =)
I went to college at Truman State in Kirksville (yeah, I know the town sucks) and like 60% of the students there were kids from St. Louis who went to De Smet, or SLUH, but were either too dumb or too lazy to get into Wash U. (I kid, I had a few friends from St. Louis…a very few =) )
by PVChiefsfan on Aug 28, 2008 11:50 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just sayin' ...
“15. Your airport may be the biggest hassle this side of my ninth grade conservative Born-Again girlfriend’s bra. And at least at the end of that debacle I wasn’t jammed next to a hippo downing Krispy Kreme.”
False. We’ve seen your ninth grade girlfriend.
by JacinB on Aug 28, 2008 1:33 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Arch
It has to be the most overrated “landmark” in the country. What is its purpose? It’s a big metal arch? I don’t get it. You know what? Every McDonald’s has an arch too.
The worst part is that the city sucks and they don’t even realize it. They actually think they are on par with the “great cities of the east coast.” They’re constantly patting themselves on the back over their worthless accomplishments and making up titles like “the best fans in baseball” because deep down they know it sucks.
by Pauli on Aug 28, 2008 10:55 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Actually, I'm not done yet
When I was in school at Iowa State I had to deal with all of these Iowans who suddenly because Rams fans because of Kurt Warner. They didn’t give a shit about them before he was there and they don’t give a shit about them now. That may be more of an Iowan thing but I think it applies to most Rams fans in general. Just like Mike Martz is the perfect representative for their arrogant city who can’t back it up when it comes down to it. Losers.
by Pauli on Aug 28, 2008 10:59 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'm as anti St Louis as anyone, but...
There are just as many Catholic School grads around here. Everyone I know who grew up in KC when to either Rockhurst, Meige, St. Teresa’s, or Notre Damn De Sion. Damn near without exception.
Fan’s at Kauffman are some of the friendliest around. While cheering for the opposing team is lame, being civil is not. Remember, we’re better than Raiders fans.
The real reason St Louis is so messed up, they freaking swim in the Missouri River. No one in KC will go near that thing.
by HIV 2 Elway on Aug 28, 2008 10:57 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Not that I don't agree with you on both counts...
…but a lecture on civility from someone named “HIV 2 Elway” is a little ironic.
by Pauli on Aug 28, 2008 11:00 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
The fact that
I have never met anyone outside of Kansas City who feels the constant need to talk about their high school kind of proves the point.
I’m all for being friendly and respectful. But the Busch faithful act like it’s some sort of glorious gift to the world when they clap for the other team. Be a man.
This is smack talk. I’m not trying to be fair and equitable.
And yeah, define irony: calling for civility while wishing a deadly disease on a former player.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 11:13 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
As we move closer to game time
Remember Guru’s Rules, which I think are fair and a good starting point for any trash talking discussion.
by Chris Thorman on Aug 28, 2008 11:05 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Innnnnnnn-Beevvvvvvv! Innnnnn-Beeeeevvvvv!
Its really better than Dennnnnnnnkiiiinnngeerrrr!
Little Brussels is a good name.
I also think the proper title should Boulevard: Now Missouri’s Largest Brewery
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on Aug 28, 2008 11:40 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey Lamb's Fans!
Pale Ale, beeotches =)
by PVChiefsfan on Aug 28, 2008 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I am always friendly to visiting fans in section 304
Doesn’t mean that I don’t wish a slow painful death to Elway. Dude, screwed me over in Cleveland and continued to haunt me in KC. There is nothing that can be done to him that will make up for a crushed childhood.
by HIV 2 Elway on Aug 28, 2008 12:39 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Cards fan, Chiefs fan
I’m a tad bit schizophrenic on this issue, and I’m a St. Louis native, so I’ll say a few kind words about my home town. Rams fans are terrible. Okay, that was a bad start. But they really are the exact opposite of Cards fans, who though our reputation as “the best fans in baseball” is utter bullshit, you have to admit it is a good culture. I will also say that the Denkinger taunt died with the 2006 WS. It was also a pretty lame taunt to begin with: “Ha ha, we didn’t earn our World Series title!”
Sorry, got caught up in the baseball world. Yes, my hometown: dead after work hours and probably before and during, only a few islands of nightlife around the edges, and a labrynthine complex of ugly, ugly suburbs. However: Uncle Tupelo and Wilco got their start in St. Louis, and Jeff Tweedy always says it’s good to be home when he plays at the Pageant, and this makes St. Louis the greatest town ever, ever. You may ask why I can only say they got their start here, where did they go? and I will say, shut up. That will end the debate.
Also: Schlafly > Boulevard. Any true St. Louisan knows this is where the debate lies. And that’s Schlafly beers, not batshit Schlafly family. I enjoin you to visit the Bottleworks if you come through St. Louis.
All of that said, I’ve always rooted for the Chiefs against the Rams, and that will only become easier once Rush Limbaugh buys the St. Louis team. The dome is hideous, the fans are tepid (and chide you for standing at all during the game), and the controversies are lame. People still pine for Kurt Warner here. And Warner alone made some freaky evangelical pastor there a local celebrity who remains popular enough to keep a cavalcade of awful commercials running during football season.
So, um, yeah. Chiefs.
by Pozzer on Aug 28, 2008 12:49 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Pluses and Minuses
Yes, you do get points for being the birthplace of Uncle Tupelo. Then again, that was the most depressing music either artist has ever made, and that’s saying something. Jay Farrar discovered heroin there so he wouldn’t get bored. And that’s why Wilco is a million times bigger than SonVolt.
Schalfly is piss. Watered piss. I don’t know what it is about St. Louis people, but they like everything watered down. Maybe they’re dehydrated from all the spit necessary to talk about how great they are.
I have a friend who deals with baseball statistics who refuses to acknowledge the WS win, for the simple matter of how illogical it was.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh, and thanks for stopping by.
Glad you’re on the side of right.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 12:58 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Repping STL
on a KC blog is tough to do.
Thanks for stopping by and being polite about it.
by Chris Thorman on Aug 28, 2008 12:57 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
well
they also have Chuck Berry and his Blueberry Hill. That’s rough.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 12:56 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Chuck Berry is tight...
But he’s no Charlie Parker. And certainly no Tech N9ne or David Cook.
/sarcasam on those last two but the Bird is the man.
by HIV 2 Elway on Aug 28, 2008 1:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Also
glad to know you’re not a fan of Branson. You really must try the funnel cakes. They’re to die for.
by Ridiculous Matt on Aug 28, 2008 1:29 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'm gonna get diabetes
from a funnel cake one of these days…why are they so delicious? (rhetorical – I know it’s because they are deep fried bread covered in sugar.)
by PVChiefsfan on Aug 28, 2008 6:11 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Chris is bringing the claws.
I said this in a fanpost, but only St. Louis would get their asses handed to them by Belgium when they had their beer stolen.
How many pro teams have St. Louis lost over the years? The Cardinals (football)? The Hawks?
by Direckshun on Aug 28, 2008 1:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
and KC has...
lost the Athletics (baseball), Blues (football), Cowboys (football), Kings (basketball), Scouts (hockey). That only counts professional sports that still exist (MLB, NFL, NBA, and NHL.)
by stlfan on Aug 28, 2008 4:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey STL, wanna do something about those highways?
Your main North/South Highway runs right-freaking-underneath your Primary East/West Highway and….wait for it…..doesn’t in any way shape or form connect with it. First couple of times I took 55 north I thought I must have blinked and missed the exit to get on 40/64 west because who, in their right mind, could imagine the possibility that they wouldn’t allow you to make this highway interchange?
by rdub on Aug 28, 2008 4:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
It connects
it’s just way the hell down there…I-270 I think. St. Louis still sucks… =) )
by PVChiefsfan on Aug 28, 2008 6:08 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
OK. Out of sheer curiosity...
Why were you trying to take 55 North into the city to take 40 West out of the city? I have lived in St. Louis much of my life (don’t anymore), and am not sure I’ve ever heard of anyone trying to do that before now.
by stlfan on Aug 30, 2008 8:22 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
A note from NYC that should settle the KC vs. STL battle
I got my hair cut yesterday by a lovely lady who, it turns out, is from St. Louis. After I mentioned I was from KC, she paused (scissors in hand, mind you), shrugged and said, “Yeah, well. I suppose if I must be truthful, you’re from the better, more interesting city.”
SO THERE!!! PPPPPLLLLLBBBBTTTTTTT
P.S. The cut turned out great!
P.P.S. I also mentioned the game this week and she said, “Oh, the Rams are playing the Chiefs? I wouldn’t know…I don’t really follow the Rams.” See? Even people in or from KC who (allegedly) don’t care about football know who we’re playing week to week. Sheesh!
by gritsnyc on Aug 28, 2008 5:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
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