Does this qualify as smack talking? Then so be it. I would normally feel bad after TheSportsGuru just posted an elegant set of rules about engaging with the enemy here on SBN, but it's game day, and this atrocity can't stand.
Let's just review for the masses, shall we? It's a dolphin, wearing a helmet, while grimacing. I honestly don't know what's the dumbest thing here.
The fact that Flipper up there is angry and grimacing is sad and sorrowful. I'm sorry guys, but you've made the decision to have the friendliest-appearing waterdwelling mammal your mascot. You can't "scary-up" a dolphin any more than I can Snuggles the Bear. Giving him the browline of a neanderthal and a smirky frown makes him more of a plush toy than a football mascot.
How in the name of anything sacred is he wearing a helmet? That's a human's helmet. It doesn't even fit the animal's elongated skull. If we're going to pretend there's a football-playing porpoise, can we not also pretend there's adequate gear so he doesn't get obliterated on his first punt return? Good god, the guy doesn't even have arms and you're sending him out on the gridiron with a helmet that doesn't fit. It's like you want him endangered. His(?) entire forehead is exposed for contact.
The helmet itself is an atrocity. It's an orange "M"? Whose team features a big orange "M" on the helmet? NOBODY'S. Why not give him the helmet that the Dolphins actually wear. It could even create a Russian Dolls effect where the dolphin in the dolphin's helmet has a dolphin in his helmet which has a dolphin in his helmet. This is a masterpiece waiting to be constructed and your laziness is stupefying.
Listen, the team can do however they want. So they've got an undefeated team. They had one of the best QBs the game's ever seen. Yet all you get is a reel of grainy highlights that features your beloved Dolphins sashaying all over the field in one of history's sorriest mistakes, a piece of equipment lacking in even one sensible artistic detail, a symbol that compares your fierce heroes on the gridiron to frowning fish.
I'm surprised Goddell hasn't been on top of this. The Dolphins should resign from the league and start over with a new franchise in 5 years with a new mascot. I know you have to keep things Miami-themed, but virtually anything would be better. Knowing you guys you'd be the Miami Super Suns and have the cartoon sun from Raisin Bran on your helmet, wearing shades.
You make me sick, Dolphins. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.