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Your Saturday Afternoon PARADEBULATION: Now With More Pointless Nostalgia Than an Episode of Lost

Ahh yes, Buffalo, which is actually bastardized French for the Algonkin term meaning Horse Flesh Eaters.  Fans of Contract Law will recall it as the home of gross public waste and mismanagement in the failed attempt at building a domed stadium in Kenford Co. v. County of Erie.

More importantly it conjurs up all sort of memories for the PARADE, namely one of our worst scarring childhood football watching experiences: the 1993 AFC Championship.

{Shudders}

More specifically, with about five minutes to go and up by 17, Bruce Smith in front of CBS's camera was actively leading the entire Buffalo crowd in a mocking version of the tomahawk chop.

This also inspired one of the PARADE's first ever posts on the AP's precursor, The Tomohawk Blog....

Star-divide

Namely, Bruce Smith an Orc?

356212_medium Orc_20b_20day_medium

via cache.gettyimages.com                         via www.bestweekever.tv

Ahhh, memories....  The original pictures were much better but we're pretty sure Chris had them destroyed.

Those were heady days our friends, no beer glove money or censorship or talk radio troll commenters, just pure sweet kamikaze Chiefs' coverage.

But before delving further, we, because no man is an island unto himself, must give the people what they want.  Here are your gratuitous silly Buffalo pictures:

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via image30.webshots.com

We HIGHLY question the historical accuracy of this, but as a bunch of Native American "chiefs" if you will, forcing a bunch of Buffalo "bills" if you will, off a cliff, we gotta say it doesn't get much more metaphorically apropos than that.

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via farm2.static.flickr.com

What's that?  No, we'll go with Buffalo Rumblings, give that to the Chiefs guy.

Oj-stern_medium

via bagnewsnotes.typepad.com

These are my legacy tarnishing gloves {thinks to himself, why didn't I kill Bradshaw when I had the chance}.

Buffalo_capture01_medium

via www.dvdbeaver.com

For those of you unfamiliar with the film Buffalo '66 the moral is don't bet on Buffalo sports teams unless you are okay with prison rape and wanting to murder Scott Norwood (of course that's just our interpretation, the Bills' field goal kicker in the film's name is Scott Wood, so really it could be about anyone).

Well, that was sufficiently tasteless.  On to the game and the sweet sweet memories.

 

This weeks game really comes down to two words:

254228_2446396_big_medium

via cache.spreadshirt.com

Yep, it's all gonna be about the Chiefs defense versus Marshawn Lynch.  Trent Edwards against our pick happy backfield would be suicide for the Bills.  There's no reason to assume Bones and Co. can't throw up at least 20 points.  Although it'd be nice to see that happen because of the game plan rather than despite the split personality kill the clock Hyde to the hurry-up spread's Dr. Jekyll.

Basically, put up 20 and hold Lynch to fewer than 3 TDs and the Chiefs will make it at least another heartbreaker.

Of course, it's largely irrelevant as the losing has infected the Chiefs fanbase to the point that they even enjoy disparaging other teams:

From the Comments of "Marshawn Lynch Will Likely Enjoy the Ambiance Against the Chiefs" with regard to Lynch's talents:

"he tends to do a little too much jitterbugging" -Commenter UCrawford

UC's other observations of late:

"Sure Walter Payton's a fine runner but too much stutter-stepping and he never gets out of bounds when he needs to."

"The Beatles were alright but all their early stuff was pretty simple 3 and 4 chord ditties."

"Lincoln was okay if your okay with him not signing the emancipation proclamation until AFTER the war started/"

"That Jesus guy was nice and all, but if you think about it he was really kinda a commie, AND I never much cared for that long hair of his."

Hahaisu_medium

via assets.sbnation.com

ALSO, the PARADE would like to take this opportunity to assure our readers that yes, yes indeed, Marshawn will enjoy both the abience AND the decor regardless of Sunday's out come just check THIS OUT

So we'll take the ratio of KC Applebees to Buffalo Applebees (10-6) and extrapolate that out to a 30-18 Chiefs victory. 

/Fully aware Herm will never aquiese to such 'Arena Football type scoring,' we're counting on two Trent Edwards gift wrapped INT-TDs in the time that the Chiefs would usually spend losing the game to cover that spread.

NOW, the Fantasy 'White Buffalo' Advice:

56472_-_the_white_buffalo_medium

via i254.photobucket.com

Bad week already, the PARADE made the playoffs sure, but Thursday night T.J. Houshmanotgonnalookuphowtospellhisname, and Hines Warld combined for a massive 8.2 points.  Thanks elite NFL receivers!

Will this be the week randomly picking Justin Fargas off the waiver wire is good idea?  No.  Is this the week that starting L.J. finally pays off after waiting out his screw-ups?  Un-nuh.  Really, it's a bad sign when all the fantasy sleepers are facing your team (that only goes for Lee Evans and Marshawn, not Edwards, Trent Edwards is godawful, we're glaringly omitting knocking on wood there, he's that bad, seriously, Hermproofly terrible, Trent Edwards is an inferior quarterback and possibly a bad person [we have nothing to base that last part on other than his name is Trent]).

So that's our advice: DO NOT START TRENT EDWARDS!

This week's snack is Chili Mac:

We were going to delve into the beauty that is Trader Joes pre-made carnitas and their multitude of possibilities, instead we'll have to save that for another PARADE.

Chilli mac is the bachelor's go to for a fulfilling meal.  It's delicious and satisfying, not to mention it covers your beans, meats, carbs, and spices nutritional groups.

The PARADE got this idea whilst perusing the hobo/travellers/cat-lady food aisle at Walgreens.  Thereupon we came upon Cambell's new "Roadhouse" Chilli.  Recently Campbell has been on a marketing tear what with everbody's mom hocking the Chunky, and McNabb barfing and whatnot.  But this adjective "Roadhouse" what the hell is that?  Seriously, we've never been to a roadhouse (outside of kitschy self-proclaimed blues bar "roadhouses").  What is their purpose?  Do these Roadhouse products contain bits of real 'swayze?'  Other than Jim Morrison I've never heard a roadhouse mentioned in earnest, ever.  Wethinks this is just an advertising scheme because the adjective "MAN" tends to make products sound gay.

Try a heaping bowl of Campbell's new "MAN Chilli" mmm mmm good.

Yeh, we'll pass.

Anyway, we said screw you Campbell's and went for the beanless Hormel stuff (great for bomb shelters and when you run out of dog food).

Then it's simple, boil up some elbow macaroni (Walgreen's brand), serve, pour the Chilli on, spread some shredded cheese on top (also Walgreen's brand).  No butter, no salt, not condiments or adult ingredients of any type needed.

Small-chili-mac_medium

via houndstoothgourmet.com

The Sour Cream and Chives were photoshopped in.

A Beer:

Boulevard-47_medium

via www.springfieldgo.com

Would someone be willing to mail a case out to the east coast?  Seriously, this stuff is great, we'll pay you double, plus the shipping.  If they still make it and you're anywhere near Missouri go to a liquor super store and find it.  YOU'RE WELCOME.

Something to Blow Your Mind AND to Melt Your Heart:

Ah, the year was 2005, Bush was in the White House, Chris lived like a shiftless pirate, the Tomohowk Blougue was a pipedream come true, Biz Markie was all over the itunes and the PARADE saw it all come together.  Ms. AP was also there, keeping the man alive we tell you, carrying your mighty Blogfather's fragile pschye on her shoulders.  Well, we all knew this day would come, one day Peter BloggerChris Pan would have to grow up, and both Primetime and the PARADE swore we'd be there.

Part of this tribute would require a plan, so stupid, yet so brilliant the PARADE swore to make it become a reality.

These are the logistics, the PARADE submits some of the details to the AP (partially out of fear our invitation will end up in the "online friends" stack [although we are told that the online version WILL have some sweet animated gifs of glittering ringing wedding bells and cans rattling behind a limo! {sadly we hear it's also a byob cash bar, way to take care of your readers Chris}]):

We will need one all white 3 piece tux for Primetime, one black suit for the PARADE, one soulful choir group of at least 13, one talented young lady capable of singing like Whitney Houston, a small group of boys who can adaquately impersonate back-up dancers and then the proper sound and lighting equipment.

Then the plan is to perform this little number with the PARADE as Sting and Primetime as Diddy:

Trust us, Primetime can move like Diddy no problem.

The big problem now becomes a question of timing.  Feel free to volunteer your suggestions in the poll or in the comments.

 

Poll
When should Primetime and the PARADE deliver their masterful performance of "I'll be missing you?"

  28 votes | Results

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

0 recs | Comment 20 comments

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Chili Mac?

Weak recipe.

by primetime 07 on Nov 22, 2008 5:43 PM CST   0 recs

Hey PT

You gonna do that missing you bit with the PARADE?:)

by Eric Allen on Nov 22, 2008 5:51 PM CST to parent up   0 recs

When was the last time you made it sir?

It’s delicious, and next week, as promised you will see the miracles performed with Trader Joe’s Pork Carnitas. Today we did breakfast burritos, good but there’s more out there to experiment with before we Paradebulate it.

Here’s a teaser, it involves cumin, curry, and freshly squeezed lemon

by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on Nov 22, 2008 6:10 PM CST to parent up   0 recs

The PARADE

Scares the hell out of me.

by primetime 07 on Nov 22, 2008 5:53 PM CST   0 recs

You will be o.k.

Just carry some mace!:)

by Eric Allen on Nov 22, 2008 6:06 PM CST   0 recs

Man Chili??

Man that just sounds bad… like a synonym for poop.

i.e. “I just had to unload a bunch of man chili”

Hope it’s not in the same family as “man chowder”… if that’s the case then DON’T EAT IT!!! For the love of all that is holy, bat it to the ground and walk in the opposite direction as fast as your Chiefs-zubaz-wearin’ ass can. The last thing you should to is put it on top of some mac/noodles.

by Ochophosphate on Nov 22, 2008 11:44 PM CST   0 recs

+1

for the Zubaz hyphenations

by KansasCityShuffle on Nov 23, 2008 3:59 AM CST to parent up   0 recs

Not to be a nerd…

Well, OK, I’m a nerd.

That’s not an Orc you’re comparing Bruce to. That’s an Uruk-hai. :)

Buffalo Rumblings - all you care to know about the Buffalo Bills and more

by Brian Galliford on Nov 24, 2008 6:50 AM CST   0 recs

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