Well, PARADEbaroys and PARADEbarettes at the humble request of Primetime and begrudging admiration of Chris the PARADE, we're back with a new weekly installment AND a new name (patent pending?).

Last week, the PARADE correctly nailed exactly what factors the Chiefs needed to pull off that all too real pipe dream against the gay horses...heyeee.

Now after last week no doubt some of our loyal readers assumed we were like school in the summer time, no class, and would be returning with a laundry list of tawdry jokes about Panther's Cheerleader's having sex in public restrooms.  Well, we only have one response to that...

via cache.deadspin.com

Kudos Deadspin, kudos, and this was also responsible for possible the PARADE's favorite Deadspin comment of all time: "There are [exactly] four things I like about that plaque."

This weeks "substantive analysis" will include more substantive football analysis, fantasy football advice, interweb commentary, Chiefs' nostalgia, a gameday recipe, a beer, requests for photoshop AND something that will blow your mind that you have yet to hear about (x2!), PLUS a bonus critique of interweb commentaries...

Steel yourself, this week the PARADE is like an oddly located looney tune tattoo, strangely haunting and prescient...

NOW, On to the Substantive Football Analysis:

via i43.photobucket.com

Oddly, not far from what the PARADE looks like...

This week the Chiefs are perhaps worse off than last week insofar as the as the lack of a personal element, and on a fan's level, a lack of any real animosity for panther's fans.

That said, the Chief's only hope is that the momentum from the last win helps turn the corner and these young guys get hungry for winning.

The only way for a win as the PARADE sees is it is a ridiculous amount of shallow slant passes to Tony and using that to set up LJ who needs a career day.

Also, if our corners show up and Delhomme doesn't smoke us deep, I'd, correction, WE'D love to see the emergence of a new dominant Chiefs secondary.

Unlike SOME commentors who shall remain nameless, rhymes with Foo Lawford, the PARADE believes that there actually is some real progress happening with this team, and while it doesn't equal wins now, down the road these Chiefs look dangerous.

Finally in what is hopefully our last comment on the Huard v. Croyle debate, you know what the difference between being injury-prone and being olde enough to be on the verge of retirement is?  Injury-prone is a rap that might be beatable, you can't beat old (Brett Favre being the sole exception to the latter).

AND NOW, a lil' Fantasy Football Advice:

via www.wallpaperpimper.com

Stupid panthers, but good to know there's a website called "wallpaperpimper" eh?

Seriously, this week could mess up the PARADE homerriffic team, but as of yet We's #1 still.  We drafted Deuce McAllister, dropped him, and picked him back up.  Good move?  Who knows, doubtful we'll ever start him.  Also in your league look around for the guy who drafted Todd Heap, why?, because that guy is a "fantasy tool" (talk about a weird google image search term).

Last, we picked up Bobby Engram, not for this week against the Giants, I guess it's D-Bowe and Hines Wald again, but I guess we'll give in to the Kitna hype and assume he'll complete a pass eventually.

Interweb Commentary:

This week was pretty oxymoronic.  First we had Whitlock offer up this gem about Glenn Dorsey:

He seems to lack explosion in his lower and upper body.

But his midsection?  Straight explodin that sh*t is!  Don't even ask son.  (Nice catch Herr Kugler).

Interesting sidenote, a google search of "exploding abdomen" let the PARADE to the concept of kamikazee dolphins, God the PARADE wishes we'd had THIS for the dolphins game thread.

Then the AP's own AngryJesus broke this one out this bad boy in the Q&A for the Panthers section:

We just don't know a lot about the Panthers.

I could see the Chiefs getting rocked.

Or keeping it close.

This is not to pick on AngryJesus, though the PARADE's liked a lot of our Perturbed Lord and Savior's commenting, just that's a pretty broad stroak we're painting with there.  BUT take heart, the PARADE gives you Kudos for use of the first person plural.

Also, at least your not an idiot (Brandon Funston) who writes for yahoo sports:

Kansas City will travel to Carolina in Week 5, and if Larry Johnson goes for 100 yards or a touchdown against the Panthers, it will be an accomplishment that alluded LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Forte, Adrian Peterson and Michael Turner in their meetings with Carolina this season.

Alluded?  Well, nevermind you run-on of a structural flustcluck is making my brain hurt you busted out the literary equivalent of a Emmitt Smith.  Illuding the achievement of not suggesting running for over a hundred yards and scoring a touchdown makes an indirect reference.  Seriously, not to throw stones but yahoo probably pays this guy more virtual money than even Chris makes (and we've all seen the AP's "The Express" ads, that's like a real movie, in theaters and sh*t).

Chiefs' Nostalgia:

via cache.daylife.com

Kevin Sampson, you're gonna want to remember the name for later.

In case that's not retro enough for you...

via www.claymores.co.uk

Recognize the face?  Of course not, that's the HALL OF FAME bust of wide receiver Sean LaChapelle, who achieved the dubious distinction of being caucasian AND catching footballs for the Chiefs.  Of course that's not Canton's HOF, but the Scottish Claymore's where he joins such legends as Yo Murphy and HOF'r Daunte Hall.  Ooooh.

A Gameday Recipe:

The PARADE was gonna lay some stroganoff on you, but let's keep with sandwiches for now.

This is what the PARADE calls the Yuppie Frou Frou California Sammich:

Toast some sourdough bread, make sure it's the middle part of one of those fat loafs, like fat enough that you could cut it in half and make a decent sandwich.

Then for your spread your gonna use kalamata olive hummus dip (available at Trader Joe's or sh*t, get all Rachel Rayie and make your own, just don't get near the PARADE while your doin that)

Next for you meat you'll want to lay some thin slices of volpi proscuitto on there (available at COSTCO in delicious bulk) make sure you pull the fat off so as not get a hangy bite.

Then comes the tricky part.  The PARADE really likes the fresh mozzarella marinated in herbs and spices (they're pre packaged at T-Joes but you can make your own like this lady)

via myplateoryours.typepad.com

Cut those up and spread it on.

Last the PARADE had awesome luck of having some left over Artichokes Judaica, now the PARADE's not of that tribe, but PARADE is all about fried left-overs, so feel free to experiment with other fried stuff, but do not, REPEAT, do not use canned unfried artichoke hearts.

Then Sanwichfy and serve.

A Beer:

via farm1.static.flickr.com

Stop your fancy pants talk, it's good, it's big, it's worth at least $3.99, if it's cheaper consider yourself a thief.

Requests For Photoshop:

In retrospect this is kinda an obnoxious feature (not that the others aren't), but let's keep it merit based (the Chiefs' win over Denver has slowed the PARADE's roll into DaDaist fandom [although Duchamp's "fountain" is at the ready])  If someone wants to put Huard's head on a body with a walker and a superman cape the PARADE isn't gonna stop him, but for now let's just appreciate Lord Eccle's work from last week:

via pics.livejournal.com

Sigh, shudder.

AND Finally, Something That Will Blow Your Mind That You Have Yet To Hear About:

Well, this is gonna be tough on a weekly basis, but to keep the hounds happy the PARADE is busting out both a BOOSH clip and a little something new.

First the Boosh, respect the mighty tundra:

Second, most of you are already mighty familiar with the new Cowboysploitation book, "Boys will be Boys," and its awesome excerpts about Michael Irvin stabbing people.  In a no less surprising but equally awesome work, an unauthorized Wu-Tang Clan documentary is coming out called the Wu:

Be careful ODB has some very NSFW observations (particularly choice is his comment at the 5 minute mark). 

Were you watching?  Did you catch the Kevin Sampson fan at 3:36, is that Inspecta Deck?

*We decided that the PARADE's column need a slightly more original title (see the pevious PARADEBAROO's naming credits).  Feel free to volunteer new suggestions in the comments.